What your friends say about you

• A few weeks ago, a sweet reader from California, Diane, submitted a topic suggestion for Sister Talk: Friendships / relationships. After mentioning the topic on my Instagram page and opening up for women to share their personal questions round the topic, I was really amazed by the response. Some really great questions were put forward, and I am keen to explore them and start some discussions. So let's go: F R I E N D S H I P S. A wise man once said, "show me your friends and I will show you your future". That statement couldn't be truer!

Once in a mentoring session, a student shared her frustrations and disappointments with some guys and girls that she had thought were "amazing quality people", based on the favor and popularity that they had received in the ministry school; but she had become very disappointed when she began to see patterns of over-promising and under delivering, and a few other character flaws that she hadn't expected to find in them. Worse still, She had this eye opening moment when she realised that she actually shared the same character flaws, and that was why she hadn't noticed them at first! My first question to her was "What kinds of people do these people attract around them?" And that was what set off the whole "aha" moment for her. She, like many in the group, had little value for boundaries, and so the thing was, everyone in this little cluster of humans had access to each other's heart without realising the weight or value of the intimate nature of their own heart, or each others. The effect was that a desire for "feeling known" was met in an unhealthy way, (at the cost of over-exposure of the vulnerable heart), and then at the same time, savagely torn up when the attention was diverted to someone or something else that was "more exciting". My student had lowered her own value without realising, but it seemed like this whole group of people had done the same thing, and were all lost chasing the latest, coolest, most popular new thing at the cost of each other's hearts. Ultimately, it kind of felt (to me) like a group of homeless kids floating around looking for a new distraction. Probably everyone felt some sort of disappointment.

The people you choose to surround yourself with may likely tell me these things: 1) Where you are taking your life

2) What level of communication skills you may have

3) What your interests / hobbies or values you embrace

4) Your self esteem / self evaluation So I want to start this blog series on relationships with this thought:

What do my friendships reveal about me? Because, ultimately, friendship starts with yourself. You will automatically reproduce and attract what you steward within. For example, I am really passionate about being myself, and not letting others opinions get in the way. as a result, the women I have drawn around my life are all super unique, confident, passionate, and unapologetically themselves. This is shown in different areas for each: how they dress, the career paths they choose, their quirky personalities, the choices they make, etc. Confident people are drawn to confident people. At my wedding, a groomsman commented "Moorea, your friends are all crazy! I´m scared of them!" He joked. I don't think he had ever been exposed to so many colourful & powerful women at once in his life! What you believe about yourself will also radiate on the outside and will attract or repel certain personalities. Sadly, this also can work on the negative side. If you believe that you are rejectable, that people probably won't like you, or that people don't really want to speak with you... that negative atmosphere that you create through believing it, can typically be felt on the receiving end and you will probably get what you expected. Friendships will never solve your inner issues, only through Jesus are we set free and healed. People should never be burdened with the responsibility of making your life better: that is your own responsibility to take to God and get real with what is inside.

A good friend, however, will of course journey with you through hardship, but this is all a conversation for another time. 👉🏾 So, lets begin here: take some self-reflection time. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of leader do you want to be? What kind of people do you want to do life with? Are your values lining up with the type of friends you want to have? Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side, but on the side that you cultivate. And it starts with you.

Choose your friends wisely. Grow self-awareness. Plan to thrive.

Also: This article is talking about the friends of your inner circle. The relationships where you both give and receive. This article is not talking about those relationships where you are pouring into someone else's life, e.g. in a mentor relationship. These things will also be later discussed.

xx M