Our ROMANtic escape, and what we would have changed.

Marriage tips - Travel tips - Real life

Hello ladies! It feels like it has been so long since I sat to write to you. I am still enjoying this time of lent where I have chosen to cut social media out of my life for the time being. The hardest part about deleting Facebook and Instagram was the disruption to my work flow on Sister talk, but aside from that, it has been so incredibly refreshing and life giving to be completely free from the empty feeds of social media.

I would honestly be very satisfied to be permanently leaving the hustle and bustle of it all, but at this point in time, it seems to be the best and most practical platform for connecting with you on a more personal level. Lets just watch this space and see how Sister talk will develop in the future.

So, during this time of lent, Felix and I found a window of opportunity to travel, and we (rather spontaneously) took it. A mid-March, low season, cheap airfare to Rome raised its eyebrows while sipping an espresso and motioned to us to come, and it lined up perfectly with the same timing that our students would be away on their own ministry trips. We couldn't resist.

A perfect morning by the Colosseum

While away, we deleted facebook messenger and cut off contact from the world for those 6 nights of marital rest and connection, and it was, in the same vein as the social media fast, incredibly refreshing to not be bothered by notifications and alerts for the duration of that time. The photos that we took, we took for ourself, not social media. (Though I'm sure that some of them will eventuate to surface on the locked grid at some point in the near future).

It was just so liberating and aided to much to an overall sense of deep rest and connection to self and one another.

Married people, listen, I HIGHLY encourage that you take some time like this, without phones or distraction.

Before our departure date, my imagination was filled with scenes of relaxed strolls through the city, the smells of espresso in the mornings and woodfire pizza by night. Elegant outfits to fit this elegant ideal that my mind had already created.

We looked forward to dropping south from scandinavia, as a light feather falls from the sky, leaving behind stressful thoughts, business and some big questions that we have been asking the Lord about.

But we made some mistakes in how we did this trip, and so I want to help you so that you don't make them too. If you are planning your own romantic getaway somewhere, or a trip to Italy, or you're just curious to know about our woes and wins, I invite you to read along.

1) If the goal is connection and rest, don't try to maximise your time by cramming in a lot of things.

We thought that 6 nights in Rome would eventually dull the brightened joy of being in a new city, so we booked a car for the first 2 and a half days and planned to drive up to Siena in Tuscany and also pay a visit to the natural springs in Saturnia.

But we spent so much time in the car, that I actually felt that we were missing out on our precious 6 nights Italy. The fomo seeped into my mind and stole my sense of rest. I wish I had caught that sly fox earlier on, so that I could just be thankful to be with my love in Italy, but it took me two days to realize what I was allowing into my heart.

My fomo triggered Felix and so the first three days were dappled with a LOT of reconciling conversations, a lot of "I feel...when you..." And "I'm sorry that I made you feel... and for not taking up my responsibility to guard my heart" etc etc. You married people know what I'm talking about. To keep your marriage healthy, you need to do a LOT of talking, explaining, seeking to understand, forgiving, etc. And so I feel like the busyness of traveling around really pushed some buttons that led us to have to pause so many times to simply talk through it and pursue connection.

So one thing we would have done different is to book a maximum of two different places, and made plans that involved less movement and more time for relaxed connection. The first three nights were each in a different accommodation, while the later three were all in one place, and it made SUCH a big difference.

2) a) When it comes to accommodation, you get what you pay for, and the Italian tourism industry is full of "tourist traps" that love to have your money

b) You must not let fears or frustrations of finances ruin the vineyard of your loving connection with one another.

Here's what I learnt from this experience. If you can't afford an idyllic, luxury accommodation, you're probably going to be better off in a BNB of your own with your own kitchen and freedoms, than a mid to low range place where you either eat in their restaurant or dine out.

For the Tuscany part of our trip, I really wish we just stayed in one location in a quiet countryside place, such as Saturnia, and bought our own groceries from the local supermarket (shopping at Italian supermarkets is an experience in itself, that we both really love). That way, we could eat what we want, and choose to eat out when we want.

As a tourist in Italy, it's very easy to end up consuming opulent amounts carbs that you're body is just not used to. From bread, to pizzas, pasta, pastries and sweets... you might actually quickly get over it, and that's sad, because Italian food is amazing.

Not to mention, it's expensive to eat out.

I think we would have prefered to stay in a simple bnb for the majority of the time, and then maybe drop a bit more money on one or two nights in a really nice hotel.

We felt that many of the places we stayed at didn't really treat us that well. It also felt like these places just wanted our money, but didn't care much for hospitality. Feeling robbed or tricked is one of the most stressful triggers, but we had to learn to just let it go, and choose thankfulness instead. We had to choose to remember that God is the provider and we don't need to worry or fear. Because, as I mentioned previously, such worries can really get in between the goal of connection with one another when travelling.

3) When travelling, we win and we lose TOGETHER

The goal should always be CONNECTION.

It's interesting to note how triggers work and what new things you will discover about one another when you're traveling. I often found myself apologizing for the ideas I had that didn't work out quite as nicely as I had imagined. I also found myself distance a little bit whenever I felt like I was to blame for any bad outcome, like being ripped off, or wondering around for a long amount of time with no reward at the end. I discovered that I was expecting to be blamed, judged or scorned.

This has nothing to do with Felix, but the culture I had come from.

One thing Felix and I spelled out on the second day was that we "win and lose together". And this kind of became our motto for the remainder of our holiday, whether something unfortunate or extremely fortunate occured. We looked at each other and reminded ourselves that we were in this TOGETHER, no one is at fault, and we do not accommodate a culture of blame shifting or punishment within our marriage.

Simply spelling this out made all the difference, and actually solidified our connection so much more. We are a team. Partners for life. we are FOR one another and not against.

When you go on marriage escapes with your spouse, remember that all you do, you do together. Stay connected. That should be more important than the trip itself.

From the moment we made that declaration, the trip was so much better. It was far more easy to keep my heart clear from any accusatory thoughts, fear or insecurities. And we laughed our way through the unfortunate moments, because some of them really were so bad that it was just ridiculous. We were able to connect over the things that previously were working to intercept our connection.

Saturnia, Tuscany natural hot springs.

4) ROME: How to do it well (in my opinion)

Rome is a magnificent city, with breathtaking sights everywhere you go. The adrenaline and excitement of it all seems to numb you from any bodily discomfort until it's too late and your feet and lower back are aching because you somehow took 30,000 steps in a day. It's a huge city. It takes time to walk from place to place, and once you arrive at said place, you must walk furthermore through that attraction, be it Vatican museum, colosseum, or shopping streets. So here are some of my thoughts on how to protect your energy, connection, and overall sense of enjoyment:

a) Pick a central location that is close to the metro. We stayed near the metro and central station (Termini) Which made arrival and departure rather easy, but for all the sightseeing, I'm not convinced that we had picked the best place.

And while we were about a 15 minute walk from the Colosseum, upon arriving at the Colosseum, many more steps were taken.

If I could pick again, I would look at perhaps either of these two options: Either the Spanish steps, which has a metro station near by, and is also close to the Borghese gardens, Or somewhere close to the pantheon, which does not have a metro station nearby, but that area has a certain charm that I wish had been right outside our doorstep.

But I would be really much more strategic in pairing the daily activities with the locations in which I was staying.

b) Choose an accommodation that has a nice area for relaxing, other than the bedroom.

The place where we stayed was great, but there was no common area or lounge area. It was just a bunch of rooms. And I would have really appreciated a place to rest at during the day that wasn't our bedroom or a bar where you should order some food or drink.

So whether you get yourself a nice bnb with an area to enjoy Rome from the comfort of you temporary home, or find a hotel that also offers a nice aperitif area, poolside, spa, or lounge, I think it will benefit you in offering a more relaxed, slow paced city trip than what we experienced.

c) Try to do one activity per day, in order to protect your rest.

Seeing the Vatican is a whole day experience, if you want to really soak it all in. From the basilica, to the museum, the cathedral, and strolling around the curious streets of the Vatican city itself, you need to give yourself the time to enjoy it, without exhausting your feet.

I would do breakfast right by the Vatican, book tickets in advance to skip the lines, wear good shoes, and bring an empty water bottle to fill up for free at a fountain (Rome's water is among the purest and best rated in Europe). Then just give that whole day to the Vatican.

I would say the same for your Colosseum and surrounding ruins day, and for your shopping day (or days 😜).

If you have many days in Rome, I would even plan a day where you just enjoy one another's company in your accommodation. Rome is great, but your spouse is even more wonderful.

d) Some food places that we went to that I was to recommend:

PIZZA: At L'Angolo di Napoli - Via Cesare Balbo, 15, 00184 Roma RM, Italia This was by far the best pizza we had. You can always trust Napoli pizza. This restaurant is close to the opera theatre.

GELATO: Gelateria Artigianale Il Capriccio di Carla Roma Monti - Via Agostino Depretis, 61, 00184 Roma RM, Italia

Also by the opera house, this gelato was probably my favorite. Carla, who owns the gelateria, makes the ice cream herself in a gelato laboratory. She creates some really unique flavors, and she's also the most friendly person we met in Rome. She also gave us some suggested places to visit for pizza, but we never got around to it.

ROOFTOP BAR: Terazza Borromini - Via di Santa Maria dell'Anima, 30, 00186 Roma RM, Italy

This rooftop bar was our absolute highlight. You need to make a reservation in advance because this place is always full. Right by Piazza Navona, this view will not disappoint. Be prepared to pay a high price for your drink, and come well dressed for this first-class service with a view.

APERICENA - Momart Ristorante Caffe - Viale XXI Aprile, 19, 00162 Roma RM, Italy

So in Italy, there is this wondrous thing called aperitivo, which is like the Italian happy hour. It begins around 5 and ends at 7 or 8 pm. When you order a drink for aperitivo, it always comes with a side of free snacks. The quality and quantity of these snacks vary from place to place and region to region, but you will almost always be given something like complimentary olives, cheeses, cold cuts, focaccia, or chips. But this trip, we discovered apericena. Cena means dinner. So it's a sort of blend between aperitifs and a meal. We ordered a drink each, for 12 euro, and were in turn rewarded with bottomless pizza and a whole tray of bites. There were roasted potatoes, pasta, eggplant, couscous, red bell peppers, pork and so much more. all included in the 12 euro drink price. The restaurant is a bit out of the way, but can be reached by metro at Piazza Bologna.

Amore mio!

5) Doing Italy well, and things to look out for.

a) When dining, just note that you have to pay for water. It's usually 2 euros. And here is the craziest thing: The tap water in Rome is actually very drinkable. I read somewhere that it is even amongst some of the best in the Europe! There are fountains all over Rome where you can fill your bottle for free, and yet, the Italian mentality won't make room for tap water. So if you say "no" to water to the waiter, he or she may passively try to make you feel like you're so strange to say no to that. (They can be quite manipulative, these waiters). We even asked for tap water specifically and were told "We can't do that". So, we eventually just bought a big bottle from the supermarket and refilled it.

Also, be aware that when dining, you are always charged for coperto (a fee for sitting down), which is usually about 2 euro a head. So if you ordered a bottle of water and went for dinner with your spouse, you can always add about 6 euro to every meal you have. If you go out for lunch and dinner for 4 days in a row, that's almost an extra 50 euro that you've dropped on dining.

b) Public toilets are almost always disastrous and gross. Many times, you will have to pee into one of those stand-up toilets, which is basically a hole that you squat over to pee into. These toilets are gross and I do everything I can to avoid them. Instead, I'll find a coffee bar and use their toilet. Sometimes, I feel bad to just use the toilet, so I'll purchase a 1 euro espresso on the way. But here is something to keep in mind. Rome is a BUSY tourist-ridden city and keeping the toilets clean is usually not a priority to the money-making cafes and bars. Sometimes, if it's really busy, you may discover that there is no toilet paper left. So here's a tip - Always keep a small pack of tissues with you. When I was a kid, we lived in Florence and my father worked in a 5 star hotel in Florence. I can't count the amount of times that we went in to that hotel to use their gorgeous bathrooms. So, there's always the option to visit a hotel's bar and use their toilet too.

c) When driving, highway tolls can be expensive. We've had to pay 20 euro to drive on a road once. So make sure to pick a route that avoids tolls on Google maps. The scenic routes are always much more interesting anyway because you get to see the charming Italian landscape.

d) If you're travelling in low season, just keep in mind that not everything will be open. Many hotels that we wanted to stay at would not open until April or May. One of the places we stayed at didn't even have all the lights on in the common areas. I assume because it was low season and they weren't making as much money. So it didn't feel as special or festive as I recalled Italy to be. It felt like the tourism business was kind of half-hearted, and not really the most welcoming or exceptional service we had ever received.

Aperitivo in the sky with Italian savory snacks.

So there you have it, our romantic getaway in a nutshell.

All in all, despite some disappointments and feeling like we fell into some tourist traps, we came home refreshed, more connected, and more ready for whatever season is ahead of us.

Have you had to learn any tourism hacks the hard way? I'd love to hear all about it! Share your tales in the comments below! Much love dear ladies, looking forward to more connection via instagram once I return to it!

xx

M