The modesty chat.

Recently on the Sister talk instagram account, we had an interesting topic arise, as we wrestled with the message of dressing modestly, how it was taught to us, and what some of the negative repercussions have been, due to a "shadow culture" of the purity messages we heard growing up.

(If you want to read what some of your sisters had to say in relation to the topic, I have created a highlight on the instagram account where you can catch up)

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When I talk about Shadow culture I mean this: Often when an environment works to create a culture, there can often be a subsequent shadow culture that emerges not by anyone's intention, but due to a slightly grey foundation that can be easily misinterpreted.

I personally believe that much of the wrestle that many women have with body image, being comfortable in their skin and sexuality, can be traced to a lack of education and empowerment in these areas, and an emphasis on what NOT to do with a lack of what TO do.

For example, being taught not to wear bikinis, but to dress in board shorts and a T-shirt when swimming as an adolescent girl subsequently communicated to some that their bodies were a problem, because boys are attracted to the female body.

A lack of careful explanation caused many women to believe that a purity mess-up fell on the shoulders of the woman, as though it were solely her responsibility to keep the relationship in line with moral values. A total disempowerment for the men, right?

This of course, then communicated to some that men are dangerous sex monsters, with an inability to control themselves. "men only want one thing" became an actual belief, reducing and degrading God's wonderful creation of man into some kind of instinct-driven animal.

The shadow effect of THAT idea caused many women running to the "modest is hottest" clothing in fear of being sexualized, and in an attempt to self protect.

The shadow of THAT was a deep dark infestation called shame. Shame wrapped it's dirty little fingers around women's body parts, and for many, the idea of celebrating their body as something GOOD and HOLY that GOD made was stolen from them.

And that brings us to this modesty conversation in 2020, where we are attempting to untangle wrong beliefs and lies, whilst not entirely throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Here's a short recap of some of things that were shared in the instagram chat: - One girl said that her church never taught on the subject of women dressing modestly in fear of offending feminist thinkers, however they did call men higher in their behaviors and thinking.

- Another girl also shared that she also never received teaching on modesty, however, what she did learn came from older men who she didn't even know making comments about her appearance.

- Then, a story from a sister whose YOUTH LEADER shamed her infront of her crush at the time, telling her that her breasts were "like melons".

- Another girl shared that she embraced modesty because she didn't want "that type of attention"

Naturally, questions arose such as: "is it really women's job to cover up so that men don't sin?" And you all shared your thoughts, pieces of wisdom and offenses, and it was beautiful.

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It's undoubtedly true that many readers choose to cover up as a result of self-protection. Many readers also shared about how abuse / poor character from certain men really hurt them.

Women are now asking if it's really their job to cover up so that men don't sin.

Felix (my super husband) and I recently recorded a podcast where we talked through the subject, to hear it also from the man's perspective. You can find that here:

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As we explored the topic, we realized that for too long, both men and women have been wrestling with the wrong weapons targeted at the wrong "enemy".

Historically speaking, there was a belief that seeing as Eve was the one who ate the forbidden fruit first, women must be evil temptresses at the core. Even today, at least when I visit Italy, which is still very much a male chauvinistic culture at its core, I have heard such comments alluding to women being the "problem".

It is always easier to blame someone than to look at your own failings. One gal in the Sister talk community shared that she and her father had perceived that much of the shame projected on women was the shame that men had been carrying toward themselves.

How often do we do that though right? That's so real. When we feel ashamed toward ourselves, and yet deny it because it's too uncomfortable to acknowledge, we often look for a scapegoat. This is simply human dysfunctional behavior, trying to clean up our own mess without looking to the Savior.

If it's true that the shaming came from men whose hearts were riddled with shame just the same, then I wonder where the real problem is hiding?

Because once upon a time, in a garden called Eden, the man and woman were both naked, and they felt no shame. It was the knowledge of good and evil in the hands of humans that broke trust with one another and with God. No real trust called for some form of control to keep things safe, so the law was introduced, and then sin, and then more shame, and then more laws, more sin, and more shame. etc etc.

Felix broke this down really well in the podcast, so you can check it out if you want to go a little deeper, please give him your ear for 40 minutes.

Today in our post-feminism movement era, women are getting their voices back. This is great, but sometimes I see an ugly pendulum swing where women are now grasping at the slime of shame on their bodies and hurling it at the men.

"Why should I cover up so that HE doesn't sin? That's his problem, not mine, and he's a creep for even sexualizing me!"

The hurting voices of women are erupting with anger: the emotion that we produce when we feel out of control or a sense of injustice.

Sure, it's been really unjust.

Why the sense of out-of-control? Perhaps because we feel like we can never win?

I can't preach this enough, but JESUS is still the only way out, and we must discover what the gospel means to us on a personal, intimate level if we want out.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. (Rom 8:1)

👉🏾Ask Jesus about justice, freedom, bodies, shame, sin, male & female and see what He shows you.

I would love to hear what Jesus reveals to you, so please let me know if you do this.

So if there's no condemnation, does this mean I can wear whatever I want whenever I want? Well, does it? Let's take time to see what the Bible says about the law of love. Here's one pointer from Galatians 5:13:

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.

So back to modesty: Am I for it?

Absolutely. But fear and shame have nothing to do with my motivation.

Why? And what does that look like? I'll write about it in my next blog post.

Hope I've given you some food for thought, please don't forget to share, comment your thoughts and check out our other resources. Big big love my ladies!! x Moorea

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